Happiness Project: Eight Fold Path (or How I hope to stop worrying and learn to love the Buddha)

So far, the theme of my Happiness Project is about improving balance (the head-heart-body thing I've mentioned) and getting to my vision of happiness: Living in the moment.

For inspiration, and to move from the vision to mission to strategy and tactics (actionable, trackable resolutions; good lord, I've spent far too long in corporate life), one place I turned to was the eight fold path of Buddhism. Some of it really speaks to me, some I'm not ready for right now, some I find rather specific to Buddhism (well, duh!):

• Right Understanding (focused on teachings of Buddha - not my main thing right now)
• Right Thought (again, fairly specific to Buddhism to my mind)
• Right Speech - The focus of the Right Speech is to avoid harmful language, such as lying or unkind words. It is far better to use gentle, friendly and meaningful words, even when a situation calls for a truth that may be hurtful, despite the follower’s best intention - This is a big one for me, that would especially help in my primary relationships - with my husband and my son.  Interesting that Ms. Rubin mentions that she noticed in her Happiness Project that she need to be aware of being less polite to her husband than others; recalls my own long-standing but oft-broken resolution "you should be at least as nice to him as the bag boy" (which I continue to need to be more mindful of).
• Right Action - (in general, I follow the Five Precepts, so not a big focus for change right now, but definitely food for thought)
• Right Livelihood (intriguing, but a biggie that I may not be ready to fully focus on yet)
• Right Effort - Buddhists recognize that human nature limits the mind at times and causes ill thoughts. Unlike Right Thought, the Right Effort focuses on working to remove the bad thoughts and replace them with positive, more pleasant thoughts - think positive? sign me up!
• Right Mindfulness - Described as a calm awareness of one's body functions, feelings, content of consciousness, or consciousness itself - this one, I'm interpreting in my own way: it's about reverence - paying attention to what you are doing at this moment.
• Right Concentration (instruction for meditation; should go here but on my eating habits - exercise - stress reduction triumvirate, I'm still struggling with the first two and not so ready to tackle meditation yet)

The ones that I feel a need to concentrate on are Right Speech, Right Effort, and Right Midfulness. Speak kindly, think postively, and pay attention to the here & now.  That about sums it up!

And, in that way of "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear" I just joined a Lenten book study group that is reading and discussing An Altar in the World by Barbara Brown Taylor. More on that another time, but it definitely hooks in with my whole balance, living in the moment, right mindfulness thing. Talk about synergy (oy, more corporate speak...)

Happiness Project: Boosting Energy

So, still following >MVM's lead (although I finally purchased Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project) first month's assignment is around

consciously working on boosting vitality and energy

(Let me say right here that it's normal that I am a month behind MVM and Ms. Rubin, and I think my path is going to continue to diverge more or less as we go along. As it should, since this one is MY happiness project, and it's clear to me that if nothing else, I'm not as organized as either of these ladies. So my project will be different.)


Anyway, part of the reason I'm behind? Homework! *bleah* And why do I dread homework (unless it's just reading or writing - head person, remember?) Because it takes energy! (Uh, oh; I see a pattern here.)

And why do I not have enough energy to go around? Well, I think it's a vicious cycle related to mid-life weight gain. (The intellectual-physical-spiritual imbalance is rearing its ugly head.) To be an appropriate BMI, I need to lose as much as my son weighs. Now. That he's seven. I basically weigh what I did just before I gave birth to him. And I was already overweight when I started that little adventure.

But according to my doctor, it's not so much about the weight as the body composition (y'know, fat vs. lean muscle mass vs. everything else, which is mainly water). And not only have I gained weight over the years, I have the BIA from 2004 to compare to and my percentage of fat has gone up as well as my weight, while I've lost lean muscle mass. Not good.

And, as the somewhat Type A personality that I am, with my family medical history, with the things that have been going on with my life -- parents and parents-in-law confronting various health issues as they get older, a year of working under the shadow of bankruptcy (corporate, not personal), now a new job & boss in a new company, and all the rest -- and with this chronic incremental weight gain... Well, let's just say I'm worrying a bit about my own mortality. Hello, mid-forties.

All that said, I'd like to have as much life ahead of me as behind me. (Entirely possible -- my 85-year-old grandmother just booked a cruise/ lecture tour of the Mediterranean for later this year!) I've got a son to get through college before I can retire, and that's at least 10-15 years away, and I want to see him reach his potential as well as enjoy some leisure time with the man I've already spent more than half my life with.

Which has led me to my way to boost energy: 

IMPROVE MY HEALTH. 

And while this is definitely not going to be a one-month exercise, I think it is a key to increasing my happiness.  (Along with working on that head-body-heart balance I just wrote about.)

• If I am more healthy, I'll have more energy. To do things that make me happier!
• If I feel better about my physical appearance, my sex drive might improve. Which would be fun AND probably good for my marriage.
• If I exercise, I'll be more healthy AND less depressed. 
• If I'm more healthy, that should reduce at least one area of anxiety for me (never used to think about my own - or, really anyone else's - mortality, but that has changed).

OK, so what I am going to do about it? First of all, I've embarked on a 12-week, doctor-supervised lifestyle change program. No, not a diet. I've got to make permanent changes, changes to go with the changes in how my body works now that I am officially past my youth.  What are the three keys?

• Eating better. More small meals. Cutting out simple carbs as much as possible. Permanently.
• Exercising more. And right now, ANY exercise will be more. More than none.
• Reducing stress. The eating and exercise changes actually help with this, but there are a bunch of other suggestions to choose from and incorporate as well.

The doctor-supervised part is basically a kick start.  For me, it's not much about needing to learn about what I should do as getting myself to do it. Weekly classes for 4 weeks, then biweekly for the next 8 weeks. And biweekly body composition analysis. Lab analysis (bloodwork) at the beginning and the end of the 12 weeks.

And I have the advantage of a support system at home. G-man has lost about 25 pounds in the last seven months AND really changed his body composition (yes, and appearance) as well. Not by strictly following the program, but he has definitely incorporated the key elements, especially eat better, exercise more.  (With apologies to Dennis Leary, he calls it the "shut your pie-hole (and do push-ups)" diet.)

So wish me luck.  Now that I've put my intentionality out there into the world, perhaps that too will help me to make the changes AND stick to them long enough to become habits. (Preferably without spending too much time boring any of you about it, she adds, upon re-reading this post.)

Apropos of Nothing Much

In a very out of character move, the Super Bowl was on at our house part of this evening. We didn't tune in until half-time (The Who's greatest hits medley - yikes!) and have spent some of the "watching" time discussing curling, and whether it is an Olympic sport, and can we watch it? but we did have the game on -- and we're TiVOing the end for the Juj.  We generally don't watch sports at all (except a bit of the Olympics), and the Super Bowl that I most remember watching was the one in 1984 when Apple introduced the Macintosh (go 49'ers!) But that has nothing to do with dinner. Which was pretty delicious, even if we did miss the first half of the game.

• Pan Crisped Sausages (Whole Foods Bratwurst & Smoked Sausage)
• Braised Red Cabbage with Caramelized Onions & Cider
• Cucumber & Red Onion in Fage with a bit of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing powder & white vinegar
• Swirled Rye Bread Toasts (dark & light)

I do feel compelled to report that I did finally purchase a copy of The Happiness Project; it sort of felt like listening to pirated music before, and now I can actually read some of it tonight! While I was at the bookstore, I also picked a copy of Amadeus. The young woman who was my cashier said "Oh, I want to see that movie! Have you seen it?" "Uh, yes -- in the theatre when it first came out." *sigh*

New Balance

Since around Thanksgiving, I've been attending a new church off and on.

(Although not today, because the Juj is still recovering from the sinus infection / laryngitis / bronchitis that kept him out of school since Tuesday and turned us both into shut-ins for four days. And actually not for the previous two weeks either because, in the fall, I committed to a year of teaching K-1 RE -- Sunday school -- at our UU church. I agreed to every other week plus the 5th Sunday in the month when there is one, so between all that and the trip to visit the in-laws over the Christmas holidays, I really have only been to this new church a handful of times.)


But when I attend, I've been experiencing church going in a new way. Although this is most definitely a liberal church, it's also pretty big and has a plenty of 'high church' trappings: orchestra, formal choir in robes, (heck - ministerial staff in robes!), soaring ceilings, and lots of hymns and rituals, including open communion.


The first couple of times I attended this church, I had this very (sad) emotional reaction at the thought that there were so many people experiencing something that I thought I could not experience. They had to be connecting with this on a non-intellectual level -- body of Christ, blood of Christ; talking to God through song; Bible stories that can't literally be true -- come on, what's that all about? How can all you well-educated liberal 21st century denizens rationally believe that? You can't.


It is why our UU church appealed to me in the first place. Let's talk about it, rationalize it. Very intellectual approach to spirituality. But now I'm wondering if that's an oxymoron. If life consists of the physical, the intellectual, and the spiritual, then what distinguishes these from each other?

Does an intellectual approach to physicality work? Well, intellectual understanding helps, but it has no effect unless you actually move from the intellectual to the physical. (Because goodness knows, if you could read or think yourself into a glowing specimen of fitness and health, I would have done it by now!)


So what about an intellectual approach to spirituality?

A quick Google search for UU jokes brought me to this. And you'll see that many of them are centered on thinking, and especially discussing, things to death.  (It is in fact why I tried and gave up the meditation sangha at our church; sitting in silence was hard-good, but for me, discussing Right Path afterward felt like it negated all that I'd just done to let go and get out of my head.)

As I said, the intellectual approach to spirituality appealed to me at first. Because when it comes to head, body, and heart -- or soul? (I'm not too comfortable with that word; it's taken me years to be able to even be able to say "church" in connection with myself without flinching) -- I am a head person all.the.way. I basically ignore the other two.

• I like to think, to read, recharge my batteries by being alone. (Don't even get me started on how I felt at Costco Saturday, forgetting that the Super Bowl was Sunday and that everyone from miles around was taking advantage of the last chance to stock up on big screen TVS and junk food. Oh, and maybe you noticed that my last post was about my 'virtual' friends; how's that for taking heart and turning it into head?!)
  
• I'm clumsy and prone to getting smalls cuts, bruises and burns without knowing when or how.  (G-man terms this "not body aware")
• I'm not sure I know what means to "have faith" (believe in something that cannot be 'scientifically proven' or experienced empirically? *pfft*)

However, I think this lack of balance is unhealthy.  I'm going to work on the body stuff too (more on that in an upcoming Happiness Project post), but I'm finding myself intrigued by the heart as well.


So the last time I attended service at this "other" church, I tried to let it just wash over me. To listen to the music, the call & response, the pastor's homily (and yes, Reverend Jo preaches excellent sermons, connected to the here and now and social justice and love and all that jazz), and take communion and give up my need to be the smart kid in class and intellectualize and analyze the way I do most all of my waking hours.


Was I successful? Somewhat. It's pretty hard for me to get out of my head, to get out of my own way, but I think it's probably worth practicing. Like meditation (not that I've done much of that). We'll see.

Don't worry; I'm still a secular humanist if you asked me to classify myself (very intellectual approach, classification), but this take on Christianity with a mission of "radical inclusion" appeals to me. It's got the good stuff about the UUs that I like (universalism), but it's not afraid to venture beyond "head."

Of Energy, Food and the Muppets - a placeholder

So, my version of the Happiness Project. Suddenly had real homework. Not just writing. And while I knew in my heart of hearts that was coming, I wasn't ready. But it's OK because

• It's all about getting more energy
• I'm starting another huge personal improvement project, uh, lifestyle change, that should tie in quite nicely

But I still don't have time to write about it right now.

Tonight's Sunday supper (thanks Martha) - last one before I start my new diet, uh, lifestyle change (more on that another time, too):

• Pork Tenderloin & Mustard-Wine Sauce
• Roasted Cauliflower with Pasta & Lemon Zest
• Baby Spinach with Warm Olive Oil & Walnuts
• Pear Crumbles (diced pear sauteed in butter & liquer, fiinished in the oven with a ground pecan, rolled oats & maple syrup/butter topping)

And finally, speaking of synergy (NOT!), I was so intrigued by the snippet of the Muppets doing Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody that Disney XD has been using as a bumper, that I made G-man go out to YouTube to see if the full version is out there. And it is! And it looks great full screen in HD. AND there were several other fun little recent MuppetsStudio clips to watch as well: MuppetsStudio.

Happiness Project: Why?

Following >MVM's lead on this Happiness Project thing. Still haven't read the book, but it's kind of fun to just go with the flow. Here's the next "assignment" -- have I mentioned that I love having someone else decide what I should write about, other than dinner?

So, the assignment for you this week is to write about some or all of the following: why are you doing this project? What is your history in trying to be more happy? What does happiness look like for you?

Why? 
I mentioned this in my first HP post, but I'll expand here. While I can be kind of selfish / self-centered (like going to bed early and letting my DH clean the cat boxes way more often than I do), generally I have a hard time really putting myself first on the truly important things (uh, exercise? meditation? GNO?). And blogging is actually one of those important things.  I like the discipline of doing the writing, and I find it calming. (And it's all about me, at least for now!) Plus I don't really have any other creative outlets except cooking, and since I want to scale back on my eating -- we'll have a post about middle-aged spread and hyperlipidemia another time -- I'm probably also going to scale back on cooking. So the time is right to ramp up the writing, eh? (Either that or take up scrapbooking...not!

Happiness history
As someone who knows a bit more about anxiety and depression than I'd really like, happiness can be a little more elusive than I'd prefer. If anxiety is spending too much time worrying about the future, and depression can be equally fixated on the past, that doesn't leave much time for joie de vivre in the present.
So it's been a fairly constant struggle for me, and I'd say I'm one of those who thinks it's all about the next milestone as yet unachieved: I'll be happy when I...

• graduate from high school; 
• start a career; 
• get a full-time tenure-track teaching position (changed careers to get away from that one!); 
• get married; 
• have a child; 
• lose 5 (or 60) pounds; 
• make more money;  
• remodel my kitchen/bathroom/house/yard; 
• get out of debt; 
• find god; 
• whatever. 

I also tried some typical escapist routes in my younger days, but for the past couple of decades, my focus has been on conventional therapies -- medical, psychological, meditation, exercise, yoga, vacations -- the usual round-up.

Vision of happiness
Living in the moment!

(Umm, and because I like writing but have a hard time carving out the time for it, you will probably see the occasional posts appear with less than full truthful dates, including this one. It's just that I like to keep things in order, and I want to catch up on happiness project, and Sunday supper club, and anything else that comes to mind, and it's more satisfying graphically if posts are on separate days. So there.)

(Oh, and no offense to dedicated any scrapbookers reading this post. I love the results but it's SO not for me.)

Happiness Project: Ten Things I Like About You...Dallas

I have the "opportunity" to lead often, so sometimes it's nice to follow. And I have decided to tag along as >MVM blazes a trail to learn more about Gretchen Rubin's -- and our own -- Happiness Projects. 

Disclaimer: Neither I nor MVM have read Ms. Rubin's book yet, and I have only a few moments' acquaintance with her web site. (Crap...panic already...neither I nor MVM have read... or has read...?)

But when the one who is More Than a Minivan Mom brought up the idea of doing something that involved exploring happiness and writing, I decided I wanted in. They are both areas I'm interested in improving for myself (narcissistic much?), and since MVM is willing to be the tour guide (at least to start), and to try to have some weekly discipline about it, and I've been reading her blog long enough to know that she probably has enough discipline for both of us...

So the first post is why I like where I'm at:

1. My son was born here. In a lovely old house.
2. I was married here. In a fancy hotel. With dinner and jazz and a most delicious Mexican chocolate groom's cake and 50 of our closest family and friends in attendance. After hanging with my then-not-yet husband for the better part of 11 years. (Oh, and not that it matters, but the wedding was a few years before the birth.)
3. My husband's extended family is close by (in San Antonio, and even some here in the DFW metroplex at times). They are a GREAT family, with less drama than my own (I love you all, but you know it's true!), and I really enjoy spending time with them, cooking for them, learning to cook from them, and having them take care of our most precious boy.
4. We're also close to OKC, where we have not visited as much since the precious boy was born, but which is the home of our very close friends, the K's. We used to drive up there quite often, and in fact, I think it was on one of those drives that we decided we might go ahead and try our luck at conceiving that precious boy (the decision, not an actual attempt was made!)
5. We're not the type to have a lot of friends (or at least, I'm not), but the ones we have are very important to us. And we've certainly added a few special ones to the circle since we've been here.
6. And with all those special friends and family, we implemented our own Sunday suppers, in the tradition that Gil and I both grew up with, and that has been really wonderful, albeit fattening at times.
7. I started my second career here, and have had great success with it. After a Master of Fine Arts degree, and years being self-insured and self-employed (teaching community college and touring with dance companies), I 'temped' myself into a new career after our first year here, and haven't looked back.  Insurance? Check! Weekends and evenings free (unless I have to talk to teammates in Asia)? Check! No longer a starving artist? Check, check, check (with timely direct deposit except the Friday after Nortel filed for Chapter 11 - and even that was eventually made good)!
8. The Dallas Arboretum. Don't go so often anymore, but definitely a lovely part of the landscape (sorry; couldn't resist). And on the other end of the spectrum - The State Fair of Texas (even if we don't make it every year).
9. Oh, and one that we've moved away from but was VERY key for us B.P.B. (before precious boy) - TITAS.
10. Discovered Universal Unitarianism and Horizon here, as well as the Cathedral of Hope, and now there is a possibility that I might embark on a semi-formal journey of spiritual growth at some point rather than just closing my eyes and thrashing around.  (I have a feeling that one may be a Happiness Project topic unto itself one day.)

OK, not bad. After --whoosh!-- fourteen years, I guess I have come to appreciate "the Metroplex."