New Balance

Since around Thanksgiving, I've been attending a new church off and on.

(Although not today, because the Juj is still recovering from the sinus infection / laryngitis / bronchitis that kept him out of school since Tuesday and turned us both into shut-ins for four days. And actually not for the previous two weeks either because, in the fall, I committed to a year of teaching K-1 RE -- Sunday school -- at our UU church. I agreed to every other week plus the 5th Sunday in the month when there is one, so between all that and the trip to visit the in-laws over the Christmas holidays, I really have only been to this new church a handful of times.)


But when I attend, I've been experiencing church going in a new way. Although this is most definitely a liberal church, it's also pretty big and has a plenty of 'high church' trappings: orchestra, formal choir in robes, (heck - ministerial staff in robes!), soaring ceilings, and lots of hymns and rituals, including open communion.


The first couple of times I attended this church, I had this very (sad) emotional reaction at the thought that there were so many people experiencing something that I thought I could not experience. They had to be connecting with this on a non-intellectual level -- body of Christ, blood of Christ; talking to God through song; Bible stories that can't literally be true -- come on, what's that all about? How can all you well-educated liberal 21st century denizens rationally believe that? You can't.


It is why our UU church appealed to me in the first place. Let's talk about it, rationalize it. Very intellectual approach to spirituality. But now I'm wondering if that's an oxymoron. If life consists of the physical, the intellectual, and the spiritual, then what distinguishes these from each other?

Does an intellectual approach to physicality work? Well, intellectual understanding helps, but it has no effect unless you actually move from the intellectual to the physical. (Because goodness knows, if you could read or think yourself into a glowing specimen of fitness and health, I would have done it by now!)


So what about an intellectual approach to spirituality?

A quick Google search for UU jokes brought me to this. And you'll see that many of them are centered on thinking, and especially discussing, things to death.  (It is in fact why I tried and gave up the meditation sangha at our church; sitting in silence was hard-good, but for me, discussing Right Path afterward felt like it negated all that I'd just done to let go and get out of my head.)

As I said, the intellectual approach to spirituality appealed to me at first. Because when it comes to head, body, and heart -- or soul? (I'm not too comfortable with that word; it's taken me years to be able to even be able to say "church" in connection with myself without flinching) -- I am a head person all.the.way. I basically ignore the other two.

• I like to think, to read, recharge my batteries by being alone. (Don't even get me started on how I felt at Costco Saturday, forgetting that the Super Bowl was Sunday and that everyone from miles around was taking advantage of the last chance to stock up on big screen TVS and junk food. Oh, and maybe you noticed that my last post was about my 'virtual' friends; how's that for taking heart and turning it into head?!)
  
• I'm clumsy and prone to getting smalls cuts, bruises and burns without knowing when or how.  (G-man terms this "not body aware")
• I'm not sure I know what means to "have faith" (believe in something that cannot be 'scientifically proven' or experienced empirically? *pfft*)

However, I think this lack of balance is unhealthy.  I'm going to work on the body stuff too (more on that in an upcoming Happiness Project post), but I'm finding myself intrigued by the heart as well.


So the last time I attended service at this "other" church, I tried to let it just wash over me. To listen to the music, the call & response, the pastor's homily (and yes, Reverend Jo preaches excellent sermons, connected to the here and now and social justice and love and all that jazz), and take communion and give up my need to be the smart kid in class and intellectualize and analyze the way I do most all of my waking hours.


Was I successful? Somewhat. It's pretty hard for me to get out of my head, to get out of my own way, but I think it's probably worth practicing. Like meditation (not that I've done much of that). We'll see.

Don't worry; I'm still a secular humanist if you asked me to classify myself (very intellectual approach, classification), but this take on Christianity with a mission of "radical inclusion" appeals to me. It's got the good stuff about the UUs that I like (universalism), but it's not afraid to venture beyond "head."