It's an award! A major award!

OK, not that the Pioneer Woman needs anyone to pimp her blog, but I'm pretty excited that I won, I won, I won...this bee-yoo-ti-ful pot:

It may be time for Coq au Vin!

In the Meme Time...

I've done more than half of these (and there are a few I didn't bold but I did comment on because my memory is hazy)...not bad for mid-life...although there are several that I have no interest in attempting. Makes me think about starting a personal bucket list (things I want to do/see before I kick the bucket).

Instructions: Copy the list, bold the ones you've done (with explanations if needed), share with friends.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii (and Alaska - both more than once; both with family, as well as while touring with dance companies during my first career!)
5. Watched a meteor shower 
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo (in my youth, when off-key is more cute than annoying; and more than once...)
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a thunder and lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning (more than once)
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked (as a kid in the rural community where I spent my middle school years; yes, I've hopped in the back of a pick-up truck driven by total strangers)
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (we call those "mental health" days, right?)
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon 
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise (actually, this is one of the ways I've visited Hawaii)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (Scotland)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (at times)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke (does Wii Rock Band count or did it have to be in a bar full of strangers?)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance (in Alaska with my grandmother, when she broke her ankle)
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check (but it wasn't my fault!)
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial (not really sure; for my 30th birthday, some friends hired a limo to take us around D.C. on a quest for my first jello shots...I do remember stopping where we could see the White House at one point that evening)
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square (probably; have been to NYC several times)
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job (my very first one; I bet that woman regretted placing the ad for someone to clean her house "perfect job for a teenager")
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car (only one, and I'm still driving it 13 years later)
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House (see #70 - we didn't go inside, so I don't think it counts)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (chickens)
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury (more than once)
91. Met someone famous (several including David Hockney, Mark Morris, Kyle McLaughlin & Harry Anderson during my theatre days; Kim Richards when they filmed the original Escape to Witch Mountain at my elementary school; in high school, I jumped onstage and kissed Bob Weir at a Grateful Dead concert -- does that count?)
92. Joined a book club (just!)
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee (and pulled out the stinger)

Dinner by Dad

Well, it's going to be another week of mostly working from home.

I got all settled in at my new office on Monday and Tuesday, only to have J's cough get worse just after midnight last night, along with a fever. It was even higher this morning, so Daddy called the Doctor and the Doctor said:

No more monkeys jumping on the bed!

Actually, she said "pneumonia" and "the fever will probably go away in a couple of days with these antibiotics" so -- no more school this week.

On the upside, the G-man made dinner tonight, based on a recipe he found on HuffPo (but I'm linking directly to the author's blog):

• Creamy Tomato Braised Lentils with Broccoli Rabe

And it was dee-licious! Perfect for this cold evening, and more or less right in line with my new eating practices. (Sure, it has cream, but it was across several servings... And after all, what would Julia do?)

Happiness Project: Eight Fold Path (or How I hope to stop worrying and learn to love the Buddha)

So far, the theme of my Happiness Project is about improving balance (the head-heart-body thing I've mentioned) and getting to my vision of happiness: Living in the moment.

For inspiration, and to move from the vision to mission to strategy and tactics (actionable, trackable resolutions; good lord, I've spent far too long in corporate life), one place I turned to was the eight fold path of Buddhism. Some of it really speaks to me, some I'm not ready for right now, some I find rather specific to Buddhism (well, duh!):

• Right Understanding (focused on teachings of Buddha - not my main thing right now)
• Right Thought (again, fairly specific to Buddhism to my mind)
• Right Speech - The focus of the Right Speech is to avoid harmful language, such as lying or unkind words. It is far better to use gentle, friendly and meaningful words, even when a situation calls for a truth that may be hurtful, despite the follower’s best intention - This is a big one for me, that would especially help in my primary relationships - with my husband and my son.  Interesting that Ms. Rubin mentions that she noticed in her Happiness Project that she need to be aware of being less polite to her husband than others; recalls my own long-standing but oft-broken resolution "you should be at least as nice to him as the bag boy" (which I continue to need to be more mindful of).
• Right Action - (in general, I follow the Five Precepts, so not a big focus for change right now, but definitely food for thought)
• Right Livelihood (intriguing, but a biggie that I may not be ready to fully focus on yet)
• Right Effort - Buddhists recognize that human nature limits the mind at times and causes ill thoughts. Unlike Right Thought, the Right Effort focuses on working to remove the bad thoughts and replace them with positive, more pleasant thoughts - think positive? sign me up!
• Right Mindfulness - Described as a calm awareness of one's body functions, feelings, content of consciousness, or consciousness itself - this one, I'm interpreting in my own way: it's about reverence - paying attention to what you are doing at this moment.
• Right Concentration (instruction for meditation; should go here but on my eating habits - exercise - stress reduction triumvirate, I'm still struggling with the first two and not so ready to tackle meditation yet)

The ones that I feel a need to concentrate on are Right Speech, Right Effort, and Right Midfulness. Speak kindly, think postively, and pay attention to the here & now.  That about sums it up!

And, in that way of "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear" I just joined a Lenten book study group that is reading and discussing An Altar in the World by Barbara Brown Taylor. More on that another time, but it definitely hooks in with my whole balance, living in the moment, right mindfulness thing. Talk about synergy (oy, more corporate speak...)

Weekend Dinner Thoughts

Not planning to follow any of these recipes exactly, but definitely "riffing" off them this weekend.

Yesterday (ended up as lunch; went to see Avatar -- last people on the planet to do so -- in the evening)

• Shoa Pai with Sassy Sauce (bascially Char Sui Bao) - 2nd time I've bought a pork chop just to make this!
• Sauteed Baby Bok Choy

Today

• Slow Roasted Salmon & Halibut with some toasted coriander & fennel seeds to resonate with the salad
• Shaved Fennel Salad with Oranges, Lemon, Dill & Cress
• Green Pea Puree
• Roasted Carrots with a bit of cayenne & cinnamon, I think

I Like Pictures

Last week, while G-man was away for his dad's surgery (which went very well), I spent an inordinate amount of time playing with iPhoto: messing around with naming events, creating potential books, and updating old posts on here with pictures. Really old posts -- like road trips from 2007 & 2008, a dinner party from the same era, etc. now have accompanying photos. So if you click on the pix link (right here or under The Things You'll See), I actually have some more posts with pictures. My personal favorites are from Cadillac Ranch. I also found some really cute photos from the Juj's toddler-PreK years, and I may have to post a couple of little retrospectives for the fun of it. When I make the time. BWAH HA HA HA...

The Illusion of Control

I've got a post in the works on my thoughts around developing my happiness project, but it's long (perhaps several separate posts), and a bit dry. And other thoughts are uppermost in my mind at the moment.

It's a rough patch right now. My father-in-law is struggling with a major health issue. On a much lesser scale, I am still trying to find my way in a new job with a new culture, new boss, new co-workers, new expectations to suss out. I know other people who are working through challenges right now too.

One thing that has been interesting to me during this is the various ways of staying "on top of things" when circumstances / feelings / situations seem to be -- or, to give the universe its due, ARE -- out of our control. Someone I know does more push-ups. I've been trying not to let my eating get the upper hand, and in lieu of chocolate for breakfast, lunch and dinner (mostly), have been making up new vegetable dishes that I can more or less eat with impunity.

Apparently I feel in control when I can reduce a big ol' eggplant and half a bulb of fennel to a soft saute with lots of deliciously caramelized bits and then nosh on it for a couple of days. Or roast a pan full of cauliflower with peas, turmeric, and mustard & cumin seeds.

That and going to bed really early. Cuddling the Juj to sleep is still pretty relaxing, when I can turn off the monkey mind.

Now if only I could harness that need to be in control of something into actually doing some more exercise (and yes, I know it would make me feel better on so many levels), THEN we'd really have a positive outcome. Lemonade from lemons and all that.

P.S. Apparently my control thing doesn't extend to housework either; just realized I have no clean bras to wear tomorrow.

To My Valentine

We've been together most of the last 22 years, since the February when I invited you to take a road trip --and a hot tub -- with me.  In another couple of years, I will have been with you longer than without you.

Is it hard sometimes? Yes. After all, even video games have to be challenging enough to keep one's interest without frustrating one into quitting.

Does familiarity breed contempt? Not contempt, but forgetfulness sometimes. Forgetting to speak to my husband at least as civilly as I would speak to the bagger at the grocery store. Forgetting to appreciate the ties that bind us. 

Like an abiding sense of family first (even the crazy ones), an ironic but not cruel sense of humor, a belief that people are good and deserve to live decently, an amazing kid who will probably end up smarter than both of us, a love of good food, big hugs, knowing that diversity has value and therefore differences are to celebrated.

Things like the fact that you helped me learn to love jazz, and blue cheese, and spinach, and mushrooms. And that ribeye is not 'just meat'! That I introduced you to the Grateful Dead. That we would skip college classes to go to Disneyland together.

That although we both had lives before we met, we really have grown up together. Watched our friends and families get married and have children before going there ourselves. That we lived and worked together and apart in multiple states and countries over the years.

That thankfully you are good with care taking, and I am good with the checkbook. That we both prefer cats to dogs.

That you have soft skin and an even softer touch, soulful brown eyes, and strong arms. That you like women, even the strong ones, even the neurotic ones. That you are a great dad, and not just because you changed a helluva lot more diapers than I did.

So here's to many more years together, loving, arguing, cooking, watching movies, going shopping, reading the NY Times in bed again once Juj goes to college, and who knows what other domestic or exotic adventures.  I love you, baby!

One for the Record Books

And the snow, snow, snow came down, down, down...enough to totally bust the all-time record snowfall for one day in Dallas. We had a record 11.2 inches in one calendar day Thursday, beating the previous record of a "mere" 7.8 inches in 1968 and 1917!
Thursday morning

Friday morning

I saw this while walking around the neighborhood; he's about as tall as me!

Food color art on my car

So, after a six-day weekend last week due to his laryngitis / sinus infection / bronchitis (thank you, Z-pak!), the Juj was in school for three days this week, followed by two snow days,  the weekend, and a day off for President's Day Monday (which I am going to take as a vacation day). So, for February that makes: 1 day of school, 6 days off, 3 days of school, 5 days off, then it will be 4 days of school followed by a weekend, THEN back to normal (we certainly hope) before Spring Break in March.

I think I will be more than ready to hit the office Tuesday, even if it's all about packing. Because we move from the old bankrupt company's building to the new employer's building at the end of next week.  And I've got to finish throwing out 13 years of accumulated but never referenced project detritus; ugh!

Happiness Project: Boosting Energy

So, still following >MVM's lead (although I finally purchased Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project) first month's assignment is around

consciously working on boosting vitality and energy

(Let me say right here that it's normal that I am a month behind MVM and Ms. Rubin, and I think my path is going to continue to diverge more or less as we go along. As it should, since this one is MY happiness project, and it's clear to me that if nothing else, I'm not as organized as either of these ladies. So my project will be different.)


Anyway, part of the reason I'm behind? Homework! *bleah* And why do I dread homework (unless it's just reading or writing - head person, remember?) Because it takes energy! (Uh, oh; I see a pattern here.)

And why do I not have enough energy to go around? Well, I think it's a vicious cycle related to mid-life weight gain. (The intellectual-physical-spiritual imbalance is rearing its ugly head.) To be an appropriate BMI, I need to lose as much as my son weighs. Now. That he's seven. I basically weigh what I did just before I gave birth to him. And I was already overweight when I started that little adventure.

But according to my doctor, it's not so much about the weight as the body composition (y'know, fat vs. lean muscle mass vs. everything else, which is mainly water). And not only have I gained weight over the years, I have the BIA from 2004 to compare to and my percentage of fat has gone up as well as my weight, while I've lost lean muscle mass. Not good.

And, as the somewhat Type A personality that I am, with my family medical history, with the things that have been going on with my life -- parents and parents-in-law confronting various health issues as they get older, a year of working under the shadow of bankruptcy (corporate, not personal), now a new job & boss in a new company, and all the rest -- and with this chronic incremental weight gain... Well, let's just say I'm worrying a bit about my own mortality. Hello, mid-forties.

All that said, I'd like to have as much life ahead of me as behind me. (Entirely possible -- my 85-year-old grandmother just booked a cruise/ lecture tour of the Mediterranean for later this year!) I've got a son to get through college before I can retire, and that's at least 10-15 years away, and I want to see him reach his potential as well as enjoy some leisure time with the man I've already spent more than half my life with.

Which has led me to my way to boost energy: 

IMPROVE MY HEALTH. 

And while this is definitely not going to be a one-month exercise, I think it is a key to increasing my happiness.  (Along with working on that head-body-heart balance I just wrote about.)

• If I am more healthy, I'll have more energy. To do things that make me happier!
• If I feel better about my physical appearance, my sex drive might improve. Which would be fun AND probably good for my marriage.
• If I exercise, I'll be more healthy AND less depressed. 
• If I'm more healthy, that should reduce at least one area of anxiety for me (never used to think about my own - or, really anyone else's - mortality, but that has changed).

OK, so what I am going to do about it? First of all, I've embarked on a 12-week, doctor-supervised lifestyle change program. No, not a diet. I've got to make permanent changes, changes to go with the changes in how my body works now that I am officially past my youth.  What are the three keys?

• Eating better. More small meals. Cutting out simple carbs as much as possible. Permanently.
• Exercising more. And right now, ANY exercise will be more. More than none.
• Reducing stress. The eating and exercise changes actually help with this, but there are a bunch of other suggestions to choose from and incorporate as well.

The doctor-supervised part is basically a kick start.  For me, it's not much about needing to learn about what I should do as getting myself to do it. Weekly classes for 4 weeks, then biweekly for the next 8 weeks. And biweekly body composition analysis. Lab analysis (bloodwork) at the beginning and the end of the 12 weeks.

And I have the advantage of a support system at home. G-man has lost about 25 pounds in the last seven months AND really changed his body composition (yes, and appearance) as well. Not by strictly following the program, but he has definitely incorporated the key elements, especially eat better, exercise more.  (With apologies to Dennis Leary, he calls it the "shut your pie-hole (and do push-ups)" diet.)

So wish me luck.  Now that I've put my intentionality out there into the world, perhaps that too will help me to make the changes AND stick to them long enough to become habits. (Preferably without spending too much time boring any of you about it, she adds, upon re-reading this post.)

Apropos of Nothing Much

In a very out of character move, the Super Bowl was on at our house part of this evening. We didn't tune in until half-time (The Who's greatest hits medley - yikes!) and have spent some of the "watching" time discussing curling, and whether it is an Olympic sport, and can we watch it? but we did have the game on -- and we're TiVOing the end for the Juj.  We generally don't watch sports at all (except a bit of the Olympics), and the Super Bowl that I most remember watching was the one in 1984 when Apple introduced the Macintosh (go 49'ers!) But that has nothing to do with dinner. Which was pretty delicious, even if we did miss the first half of the game.

• Pan Crisped Sausages (Whole Foods Bratwurst & Smoked Sausage)
• Braised Red Cabbage with Caramelized Onions & Cider
• Cucumber & Red Onion in Fage with a bit of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing powder & white vinegar
• Swirled Rye Bread Toasts (dark & light)

I do feel compelled to report that I did finally purchase a copy of The Happiness Project; it sort of felt like listening to pirated music before, and now I can actually read some of it tonight! While I was at the bookstore, I also picked a copy of Amadeus. The young woman who was my cashier said "Oh, I want to see that movie! Have you seen it?" "Uh, yes -- in the theatre when it first came out." *sigh*

New Balance

Since around Thanksgiving, I've been attending a new church off and on.

(Although not today, because the Juj is still recovering from the sinus infection / laryngitis / bronchitis that kept him out of school since Tuesday and turned us both into shut-ins for four days. And actually not for the previous two weeks either because, in the fall, I committed to a year of teaching K-1 RE -- Sunday school -- at our UU church. I agreed to every other week plus the 5th Sunday in the month when there is one, so between all that and the trip to visit the in-laws over the Christmas holidays, I really have only been to this new church a handful of times.)


But when I attend, I've been experiencing church going in a new way. Although this is most definitely a liberal church, it's also pretty big and has a plenty of 'high church' trappings: orchestra, formal choir in robes, (heck - ministerial staff in robes!), soaring ceilings, and lots of hymns and rituals, including open communion.


The first couple of times I attended this church, I had this very (sad) emotional reaction at the thought that there were so many people experiencing something that I thought I could not experience. They had to be connecting with this on a non-intellectual level -- body of Christ, blood of Christ; talking to God through song; Bible stories that can't literally be true -- come on, what's that all about? How can all you well-educated liberal 21st century denizens rationally believe that? You can't.


It is why our UU church appealed to me in the first place. Let's talk about it, rationalize it. Very intellectual approach to spirituality. But now I'm wondering if that's an oxymoron. If life consists of the physical, the intellectual, and the spiritual, then what distinguishes these from each other?

Does an intellectual approach to physicality work? Well, intellectual understanding helps, but it has no effect unless you actually move from the intellectual to the physical. (Because goodness knows, if you could read or think yourself into a glowing specimen of fitness and health, I would have done it by now!)


So what about an intellectual approach to spirituality?

A quick Google search for UU jokes brought me to this. And you'll see that many of them are centered on thinking, and especially discussing, things to death.  (It is in fact why I tried and gave up the meditation sangha at our church; sitting in silence was hard-good, but for me, discussing Right Path afterward felt like it negated all that I'd just done to let go and get out of my head.)

As I said, the intellectual approach to spirituality appealed to me at first. Because when it comes to head, body, and heart -- or soul? (I'm not too comfortable with that word; it's taken me years to be able to even be able to say "church" in connection with myself without flinching) -- I am a head person all.the.way. I basically ignore the other two.

• I like to think, to read, recharge my batteries by being alone. (Don't even get me started on how I felt at Costco Saturday, forgetting that the Super Bowl was Sunday and that everyone from miles around was taking advantage of the last chance to stock up on big screen TVS and junk food. Oh, and maybe you noticed that my last post was about my 'virtual' friends; how's that for taking heart and turning it into head?!)
  
• I'm clumsy and prone to getting smalls cuts, bruises and burns without knowing when or how.  (G-man terms this "not body aware")
• I'm not sure I know what means to "have faith" (believe in something that cannot be 'scientifically proven' or experienced empirically? *pfft*)

However, I think this lack of balance is unhealthy.  I'm going to work on the body stuff too (more on that in an upcoming Happiness Project post), but I'm finding myself intrigued by the heart as well.


So the last time I attended service at this "other" church, I tried to let it just wash over me. To listen to the music, the call & response, the pastor's homily (and yes, Reverend Jo preaches excellent sermons, connected to the here and now and social justice and love and all that jazz), and take communion and give up my need to be the smart kid in class and intellectualize and analyze the way I do most all of my waking hours.


Was I successful? Somewhat. It's pretty hard for me to get out of my head, to get out of my own way, but I think it's probably worth practicing. Like meditation (not that I've done much of that). We'll see.

Don't worry; I'm still a secular humanist if you asked me to classify myself (very intellectual approach, classification), but this take on Christianity with a mission of "radical inclusion" appeals to me. It's got the good stuff about the UUs that I like (universalism), but it's not afraid to venture beyond "head."

Traffic Musings

Interesting. When I got all intrigued by the Happiness Project idea, I decided to add Feedjit to my blog. I have always assumed I didn't have much traffic, other than a few people that I actually know. I rarely receive any comments (and I think that it's usually the anonymous who feel the need to comment; kind of unnecessary with friends you actually talk to IRL), and didn't know what would cause a stranger to find or read my blog anyway. And while it's true that I don't have much traffic, now I know there's more than I had thought. Since I had no baseline, I have no idea if it's increased since linking in with >MVM's version of the The Happiness Project, but I do know that there are readers coming from her blog to mine.

It's weird how this makes me feel.  Do I want to edit more?  Should I be worried about weirdos? Or identity theft? Or what an employer or potential employer might find? Or is it an opportunity for me to open up? And if I'm opening up to total strangers, is that just some kind of 'fake' opening up since there's no real connection?

What makes me read a blog of someone I don't know?  For example, I read the posse blogs at times, but mostly just the three (plus one other non-posse) of the women who started me on blogging to begin with and that I am on an actual mutual first name basis with in real life. They are the only ones I follow on Twitter. Sure, I've met the rest of the posse in real life as well, but really mostly just know the one well, and two of the others better because of online presence and Twitter. But the other three have online presence, and I don't follow them closely. What makes you decide 'who' you are going to spend time reading?

There are three other bloggers I follow somewhat consistently but that I know only virtually. Two I feel like I do have a casual but mutual virtual acquaintance with (again, perhaps nurtured by the fact I follow them on Twitter and exchange words) -- and I found them through other bloggy but real life friends -- and the one I started reading in late 2007 who's got a real following and doesn't know who I am.

I've checked out the links of the others who put their Happiness Projects up on >MVM's page. And some of them 'spoke' to me and some didn't. But even with the ones who did, I have mixed feelings about why I would read about someone I don't know except through her writing (for me, it's a female dominated domain), and who sure as shootin' doesn't know me.

Is it like back in the pre-blog days (at least for me), when there were some columnists (Amanda Hesser, Ruth Reichl) that I followed avidly. Yes, food writers, but very personal ones. And I read their books as well. (And Julie Powell's Julie/Julia, which first came out just as I was becoming aware of blogging.) And there was this feeling of relationship, but can you really have a one-sided relationship?  Perhaps you can, when it comes to writers. What about the memoirs / novels I love as a child? I felt like I KNEW Laura Ingalls Wilder and Louisa May Alcott. I guess that's kind of what being a writer is all about.

Anyway, there's no conclusion here.  But I have two posts mostly written that are fairly personal in nature, and I find now that I am trying to decide whether or not I want to go on with this.  Or if I'm better off sticking with Sunday dinners and the things I like on YouTube.  (Sound familiar?)